Status BBM Terupdate untuk blackberry

•  The Speaker: I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
• Virtual revenge: In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ‘em to mess with you.
•  Dirty girlfriend: “I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear”. Okay: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio.
•  Username and password: My BlackBerry’s email feature keeps displaying “Username or Password incorrect”. Would you mind, oh, I don’t know, telling me which one is incorrect?
•  Animal show: Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
•  The password solution: I changed all my passwords to ‘incorrect’. So my BlackBerry just tells me when I forget.
•  Deceiving a trip: No, I did not trip, the floor just looked like it needed a hug.
•  Sudden ninja: So, I just saw a spider and automatically just suddenly became a ninja.
•  Keeping mouth shut timing: Of course I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
•  Impressing her: I really want to impress my girlfriend. So, in order to impress her, I went to the gym and asked the trainer how would I do just that via a particular machine. He said “use the ATM”.

Update: More BlackBerry BBM Status Updates from our Readers

• I want a real relationship; not a Facebook one
• Struggle is the enemy, but weed is the remedy.
• I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.
• Never on schedule, but always on time.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.
• I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
• The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
• I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
• I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
• Ladies, place your heart in the hands of God & he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it.
• They say real girls ain’t never perfect, perfect girls ain’t never real.
• Better late than never, but never late is better.
• A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”
• Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
• If two past lovers can remain friends, it’s either they are still in love, or never were.
• Girls are like phones. they love to be held, talked to but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
• If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence… Your answer should always be, Please don’t hit me again officer…
• Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if its wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.
• The teacher asks Timmy “why is your cat at school today?” Timmy says, crying, “Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, ‘I’m going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.’ so I’m saving him!”
• Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
• …condom says to the tampon, “You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!” The tampon replies, “When you don’t do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!”
• The awkward moment when Wikipedia has copied your homework.
• I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
• Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.
• If you’re talking behind my back, you’re in a good position to kiss my ass!
• Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it’s too long.
• I wish I could google “things to eat in my fridge” so I wouldn’t have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
• My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch.”
• Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
• I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
• Can you catch? I think I’m falling for you.
• I think its time I let go of the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future.
• Life is not always what we want it to be. Sometimes, it’s what we never knew we need it to be.
• If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
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• Ini siapa sih? jawab donk, sms kalo temen, telpon kalo sodara, kalo miscall lagi berarti KEBO, kalo diem aja berarti MONYET!

• Cintailah pacar kamu, sebelum aku mencintainya

• Pacar sendiri itu ibarat sendal di masjid. Kalo udh keliatan jelek/bosen, ya tinggal di tuker aja!

• *kuis* Hallo dengan siapa dimana? | amir di Jakarta | Oke, Pak amir mau uang 2juta? | Mauuuu | Kerja Keras dong Pak!! | ANYING

• Ada 10 jenis mie yang haram : 1. Mie kirin bini orang. 2. Mie kir jorok. 3. Mie mik susu tetangga. 4. Mie jitin bini orang. 5. Mie ting tengah malem. 6. Mie pisin orang 7. Mie sahin pasangan suami istri 8. Mie lih milih baju ga jadi beli. 9. Mie num racun tikus 10.Mie njemin duit ke org

• Status ini buat besok bacanya besok sabar ya….. ye…dibilangin bacanya besok !!! maksa banget sich !! Terserah !! tadinya mo bilang selamet pagi…. tapi jadi met malem dech….

• Tipe wanita dilihat dari CDnya: Pake CD sampe ke puser : LUGU Pake CD mini : NAKAL Pake berenda : KEIBUAN Nggak pake CD : PENUH PENGERTIAN

• Heh! kamu! Jangan deket2 tong sampah! Saya gak bisa membedakan mana yang sampah mana yang bukan!

• saat kulihat matamu. nafasku pun berhenti. jantngku berdetak kencang. benarkah semua yang kurasakan ini aku pun memberanikan diri untuk bertanya kepadamu.. kau kentut ya…?

• KONDOM protes pada PEMBALUT WANITA : Ketika lu lagi dipake, penjualan gue anjlok selama 7 hari” Jawab Softex : “Ah baru 7 hari, kalo lu bocor sekali aja, penjualan gue mandeg 9 bulan, tau!

• Perselingkuhan terjadi bukan karena adanya niat pelaku, tapi terjadi karena tandanya kita masih LAKU.. "Waspadalah..!! Waspadalah..!!

• Kalo ketemu cewe pake baju mini itu bikin dilematis. Kalo kita ngeliatin disangka kurang ajar. Tapi kalo kita buang muka disangka Homo.

• INGAT!! ROKOK ITU TIDAK BERBAHAYA BAGI KESEHATAN selama TIDAK ADA KOREKNYA

• Yank, walaupun tua nanti kau seperti mak nori, tapi bagiku kau tetap seperti ashanty :p *alumni raja gembel taon 45

• Punya pacar Cantik itu susah..... Susah di jelek jelekinnya klo udah putus

• The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
• I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
• I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
• I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..
• My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.
• Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows… PRICELESS!!!!! Fuck Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!
• If the world doesn’t end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on September 20th, 2013.
• breaking down the weed about to make a plane, a hundred niggas wit me all reppin taylor gang.
• I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern-day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come.
• My bank is the worst. They’re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can’t even afford to be broke.
• Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.
• Why is there a show called When animals attack? It should be called When stupid people go near dangerous animals.
• Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
• Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio
• Mirror: “Wow! You look amazing today.” Camera: “LOL, just kidding!”
• The awkward moment when you’re waiting for a text but then you realize you’re the one who didn’t reply.
• It’s scientifically proven that if you drop food on the ground, blow on it before you eat it… that kills all of the germs.
• Things you should never do after a breakup = 1) Listen to love songs. 2) Read old messages 3) Read their statuses, tweets or updates. 
• On the phone, “Well, I better get going.” = “I’m tired of talking to you.”
• *wake up from a horrible dream* (⊙﹏⊙)… *relize it was only a dream* (~￣▽￣)~
• The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.
• “Wake up!” Me: (~_~) (-_-) (o_-) (-_o) (>_<) (o_O) (o_o)
• That annoying moment when someone interrupts you and then you can’t remember what you were talking about.
• I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3.Now you’re smiling
• Happy Mother’s Day I ♥ you mom no matter what we go through no matter how much we argue at the end she’ll always be there!
• Every girl has 3 personalities: 1) When she’s with her family. 2) When she’s with her friends. 3) When she’s with HIM.
• Old meaning of sorry. “I won’t do it again.” New meaning of sorry. “Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful.”
• Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There’s a reason you got rid of it in the first place.
•   My mom thinks “lol” means ‘lots of love” She texted me :”Your father broke his leg LOL”
• Cat: Meow … Me: Meow? … Cat: Meow meow … Me: Oh my lord. I speak the cat.
• Started back at the gym this week and now I’m as sore as a port whore during fleet week.
• Why do porn stars tweet pics of their kids? Factory workers don’t tweet pics of their on-the-job accidents
• Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
• Go to google.com, type in “google gravity” and click I’m feeling lucky. It’s so awesome!
• Every heart has a pain. Only the way of expressing it is different. Fools hide it in eyes, while brilliant hide it in their smile.
• 3 steps to move on. CTRL + ALT + DEL. Control yourself, look for an alternate solution & delete the situation that hurts you.
• There are three things life brings us: tears, smiles and memories. Tears gets wipe away. A smile fades away. But memories last a lifetime.
• That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
• Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…
• Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
• Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!
• Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
• I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
• Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..
• Stepping on a scale before and after I use the bathroom is the best measurement for finding out how full of shit I am.
• I’m drunk and thinking thoughts about things. Some of these things are unthinkable. Ever think thoughts about things like that?
• Maybe the economy wouldn’t seem so bad if we put happier pictures on money. Like George Washington on a jetski.
• I prefer products that say virgin on it, like extra virgin olive oil, cause i don’t want to buy a slutty oil made from slut olives.
• Together we can stop bathroom mirror profile pictures.
• Going to learn CPR today! One step closer to being a superhero!
• You know that public education is failing when high school seniors think London is its own country.
• The only thing I hate about having a phone is when people call.
• I need a GPS that communicates to me in simpler way. For example: – This way – That way – The other right.
• “Who’s this? I got a new phone” means “I deleted your number because I don’t care to talk to you.”
• I’m wearing that smile you gave me.
• The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
• If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
• My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.
• Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
• Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
• I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
• That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.
•  If you like me, tell Me. if you miss me show it and if you love me, PROVE IT
• The best things in life are FREE …. Family, Friends, Smiles, Hugs, Kisses, Love, Sleep, Good Memories.
• Just because you have a heart, it does not make you a human. You need to have emotions in that.
• You can ignore me for as long as you want, but you can never change the memories that I brought in your life.
• Wishes are always granted but you just have to wait for the perfect time.
• We always overestimate our worries & underestimate our potential.
• I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..
• That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
• Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…
• Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
• Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!
• Do not go where a path may lead. Instead go where there is no path and leave a trail.
• When we love, it is not necessary to understand what is happening outside, because everything happens inside us instead.
• I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
• I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!
• Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
• I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
• Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
• Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
• I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
• Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
• I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
• Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..
• I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
• I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!
• Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
• I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
• Dont count your days. Make your days count.
• Every single moment counts. When you add them all up, they equal your life.
• The difference between CAN and CANNOT are only three letters. Three letter that determine your life direction.
• Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
• I can talk to hundreds of people in one day, but none of them compare to the smile you can give me in one minute.
• Please tell me you will remember, no matter how much I do wrong, that I had the best of intentions all along.
• Sometimes its easier to say that you dont care than to explain all the reasons why you still do.

Don’t forgot to share your best BBM Status below in the comments section…..